Day Eleven

Woken up at 4am by some idiot in a van playing loud music in the car park outside the hotel. Annoyed.

Got up and had the continental breakfast. Made waffles with the batter and waffle iron provided in the breakfast room. Ann burnt some toast beyond recognition. On the road by 8.45am. Glad to leave Fort Dodge. Easy navigation as we got on Highway 20 and stayed on it the entire day. The motel the other end was actually on the same road so impossible to get lost. Trust the sat nav to work all day without a hiccup.

To pass the time we listened to K-Mullet and a man singing about his pretty van, at least that is what I think he says.

The station also proclaimed to be 'Top dogging country'. Kept driving and driving, Sac City being one of the many places we drove through. Eventually got out of Iowa and into Nebraska.

Hit many creatures today, mainly butterflies, the odd bird and nearly some sort of stoat things. Long straight roads, not much to see.

Straight!

Ann carried on taking pictures of the water towers in each town. She thinks they are where the aliens live. Not sure if she means space ones or Mexicans.

Stopped for lunch in Plainville. Went to Subway our favourite sandwich shop.

Kept ploughing along the 20, only hold ups being caused by roadworks at various points. The longest delay being twenty minutes without moving waiting for the pilot vehicle to come back and guide us through.

Saw weird thing on the horizon. Thought my eyes had gone funny. When it got closer realised it did really look like that.

What is it?

Eventually made it to the Trade Winds Motel in Valentine, Nebraska. Another decent place. Outdoor pool but didn't get a chance to use it due to many fat people taking up the water space. The car park resembles a scene from 'Wild Hogs' with loads of Harley Davidsons on their way to the 70th Anniversary Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Went into Valentine to get some food, was looked at kinda funny by some of the locals.
Bed soon, before a mammoth days travelling tomorrow.

Trip Facts

We have now covered over 1500 miles in the car.

States we have been to so far:

New York
New Jersey
Pennsylvania
Delaware
Maryland
Virginia
District of Columbia - Not a state, a complete separate entity
Michigan
Wisconsin
Iowa
Nebraska

Day Ten

Stop Press!! Did some research on the sat nav website and found the answer to the problem. Doesn't stop it happening, but does restart it instantly.

Up early as important appointment to make and to say goodbye to Craig and Tara. Has been a very quick visit but immensely enjoyable. Thanks for having us guys, it was great to see you. Hope you enjoy watching the park crash video.

With sat nav now working a treat, left Rockford at 8.45am and arrived at Muskegon ferry port at 9.45am. Boarded catamaran and ate some breakfast whilst we crossed Lake Michigan.

To entertain ourselves on the three hour trip we watched the Miley Cyrus film that was showing but without paying to hear it. Instead we, I say we, I mean I created an alternative dialogue. Eventually Ann told me to be quiet.

We also decided that if we create our own real Jurassic Park we would have door knobs instead of handles so the velociraptors can't open the doors.

Crossed our first time zone so now six hours behind BST. Arrived at Milwaukee at 12pm Central Standard Time. Headed out into Wisconsin on I-94 towards Madison. Stopped at McDonald to use their free wifi so Ann could Skype home.

Car phone!

Then I-151 to Dubuque, crossing the Mississippi.

Stopped to get sandwich from Subway. Got asked where we were from as they 'Don't get many accents here'. Then we joined I-20 for 188 miles all the way to Fort Dodge. To pass the time Ann took photos of water towers and we listened to K-Mullet radio.

Arrived Fort Dodge at 7.15pm. Sat nav couldn't find hotel. We did. It is a Comfort Inn. Seems ok. Went to Pizza Hut for tea as it is 5 yards away. They appeared to have fried the pizzas. Back now ready to sleep. More travelling tomorrow!

Day Nine

To write this I am sat out in the backyard enjoying the barmy evening.

Apparently £120,000 worth of house!

Today started with a lie in, getting up at 9am. Put our washing in the machine, as running out of clothes. Got ready and went out with the family for the day. First stop was the IHOP, the International House of Pancakes. Menu was large, the food larger. By the time we finished we felt we didn't have to eat again for the next 3 weeks.

Pancake Heaven

We then travelled to down town Grand Rapids, to have a look at where Craig works before heading to the shores of Lake Michigan. Parked up and went to the beach. Cracking weather again. Had a great time. Kyle was a natural kite flyer.

Left the beach at 2.30pm and headed into the nearby town of Saugatuck. Went to an ice cream shop and ate some very nice ice cream. Ann had cashew nut and caramel and I had cookie dough and cappuccino. Ann was impressed with a 'Bear Claw' dessert thing made of nuts, caramel and chocolate. Went into a gift shop to look for postcards. Heard a crashing sound from the other part of the shop. Presumed either Kyle or Ryan had knocked something. Found out later that Craig had fallen over into a shelf. Found a park so the kids could have a play.

Headed home for tea. Saw firetruck on the way, which was big news in the car. Got kicked in eye by small child whilst waiting for dinner. Craig made spaghetti bolognese. Sat out in garden to eat. Was still very warm. Ryan followed the family balance trait by falling off chair three times during dinner. Afterwards we had toasted marshmallows followed by an unusual outdoor experience.

Rounded the evening off with more X-Box action. Now sleep before heading west to Fort Dodge tomorrow.

Day Eight

Today's aim was to head to my cousin Craig and his wife Tara's house in Michigan back in the USA. Got up, got ready and went downstairs for the communal one choice only breakfast. Only one other couple and their little boy staying in the place, so we were first down. To register a protest against the regime as they walked into the dining room, Ann broke the bottom off the glass jug and poured one and a half litres of orange juice over the table. Ate waffles and maple syrup tinged with orange.

Got packed up and finally left the place at 10.30am. Just as we were leaving had panic attack as Ann started telling weird mental woman about the blog. Thought she was going to tell her the address. Luckily Ann realised about the mental comments and stopped talking.

Headed up to the whirlpool on Niagara River just a couple of miles up the road. It has a cable car going across the gorge. We didn't have time to go on it.

Made way north to Niagara on the Lake. Drove around a bit, had a look at the lake, Ann said she wanted to move there and then we the started journey to Craig and Tara's place in Michigan.

With the sat nav back working again we gradually made our way across Canada back towards the USA. Stopped for lunch at Brantford. Whilst eating in the car, a minivan with trailer pulled up alongside us. Out of it got a rock band. You could tell they were a rock band as they wore black, had lots of tattoos and silly hairstyles. Unfortunately for them their get up just made them look camp. We decided that they were in fact the world's campest rock band and gave them the name 'The Tim Hortons' after a doughnut shop at the place we had stopped.

Carried on driving and came up with the question what happened to Su Pollard?

Next the inevitable happened as the sat nav stopped working again. This time it properly packed up and refused to turn on. We now had to rely on observation of signs. Eventually reached the border post at 3pm. It was just over a bridge.

Took us an hour and a half to get across the bridge and into the States. Just sheer volume of traffic. Made us slightly late. Managed to pick up a free map of Michigan to help us navigate, and luckily on the laptop I had created a file using google maps of how to get to Craig and Tara's place before we left England. Turned out to be invaluable. Finally arrived at our destination, Rockford, Michigan at 8pm. Was now in the mood to smash the sat nav up.

Dumped our stuff and went out to Rockford for dinner. Had a look around but everything was shutting as it was 9pm and was very quiet. Decision was made that the girls would head home and order pizza and the boys would make our way to the place to pick it up. Plan sort of misfired as we arrived there before they had ordered. We just ordered, waited and headed back with it.

Sat down and ate the best pizza of the trip so far. Was absolutely gorgeous.

Cheesetastic

Being quite late Ann and Tara went to bed. Craig and I played football on the X-Box. Made it to bed at 1am. Decided blog would have to wait.

Day Seven

We have been here a week now, only three and a half to go!

Woke up in the Ruby Room having had a decent night's sleep, no bears to be seen. Went down to breakfast at 9am. Had to sit on a table with all the other guests. Thought that might be weird but turned out ok. Two of them were from St Albans and two from Cardiff and they were travelling together up through Canada.

Normally when you have breakfast in a B and B you get a choice of food. Not here. Were just given stuff and that was that. First was a bowl of fruit followed by French toast (Bread dunked in egg and then toasted) with maple syrup. Not keen on the fruit but French toast tasted like pancakes. Bizarre mental owner woman sat down at the table with us all whilst we ate and went on a bit. Told us her life history when nobody had asked. The others very quickly made excuses and left. Thanks then. Us Brits are meant to stick together.

Eventually got away so we could start our day. Got passes which enabled entry to a few of the attractions for one price. Also meant free travelling on bus thing that goes up and down. Good lazy start.

First stop, the Maid of the Mist boat trip up to the falls. Queue seemed to move very fast and soon we were donning our blue rain ponchos. Was told by people in Maid of the Mist t-shirts to pose for the pre tour picture in front of a green screen. Walked straight past and got on boat. Trip was great, got slightly wet. Cameras got slightly wet too.

Horseshoe Falls

American Falls

On exiting had to pass through gift shop. Tourists were taking pictures of things in the shop. Why?!

Dried out very quickly as the sun was so hot. Sat under a tree and had a drink to cool down. Next headed up to the Skylon Tower which is next to the falls. Very surprised that there was nobody there at all. When buying tickets man asked us if we planned to dine up in the restaurant at the top, as then the ride was free. Price of meal $35 each. Ride with no meal $11 each. guess which one we chose. Made to stand for picture in front of green screen. Deliberately looked glum for picture. Threw bit of paper they gave us away. Went up on glass elevator on the outside of building. Views from the top are great. Managed to take a panoramic photo using phone. Impressive photography.

Panoramic!

Lunchtime. Got some sub sandwiches and sat under a bush. Sun still very hot.

Made way to 'Walk Behind the Falls'. They should rename it, 'Stand in a cave and watch some water go past window'. Recurring theme again when asked to stand in front of green screen. Frowned when told to smile. Felt small battle had been won. Watched Mr and Mrs Pisspoorparents give in to a sulking 6/7 year old who didn't want to go down because he wanted to go on the boat. Wanted to smack him around the head and tell him to shut up. Needless to say he now knows if he cries and stands in a corner saying 'I don't want to go' he will always get his way. Wanted to smack parents around the head.

Was queue to get to the small opening behind the falls. Couldn't understand why people took so long posing in front of a metre square opening when so many people were waiting. Water is not going to show up on camera so get out the bloody way. Went out on walkway next to base of falls. This time wearing yellow poncho.

Took long bus thing ride to next stop, Walking with the Rapids. Mental B and B woman had told us it was great. Had booked in advance and had a express pass so thought we would just breeze in. Waited for what seemed like an eternity with everybody else in the world who all had exactly the same pass. Only one elevator the size of a hamster's cage. Eventually got into elevator. Just as we were about to go down saw the best bit of queue jumping. Some foreigners just wandered into the shop and straight to the front of the line.

Got down to bottom went outside. It was just a bit of deck next to the river. Also smelt of sewerage. Not worth the wait at all. Would have been furious except it was free. Decided to leave fairly quickly. Waited in long queue to go back up the one elevator. Left feeling disgruntled. Only upside was we hadn't been forced to stand in front of a green screen.

Got bus thing back to main part of town and went to find a restaurant Ann had researched prior to trip, Tony Roma's, http://www.tonyromas.com/ . Found it having taken a massive detour due to poor map reading. Ann decided to start limping again. Got seated at a table and given menus. Having ordered drinks we both decided that in fact neither of us wanted anything on the menu. Asked Ann why we were there. Couldn't be bothered to move so ordered something anyway. Portions that would have fed the five thousand appeared. Rounded it off with a piece of cheesecake to share. Ann had one mouthful and then said she was full. I then got the cheesecake sweats trying to finish it off. Died by cheesecake.

Headed out to experience the nightlife of Niagara to pass the time until the falls were lit up at 9pm. Went to the main street and found Dinosaur Park mini golf. Could swear it wasn't where it was 12 years when I was last here. It was really busy but played anyway. Didn't get mistaken for Ian Poulter as normally happens.

Beat Ann to take the title. Headed back down 'Crap' street to the falls. It really is a ghastly place, so tacky and horrible.

Oh my god!

Saw the best waxwork place ever.

Who the hell are they meant to be?

Ended up back at the falls to see them lit up at night. Ann said it was rubbish and she much prefered them by day. On that note got bus thing for the last time and headed home.

Facts learnt today:

The Falls erode one foot backward every year.

Only 50% of water in the river goes over the falls during the day as it is taken out for hydro electricity.

If all water that should go over did, it would erode by 3-5 feet every year.

Day Six

First things first, two things that should have but didn't make yesterday's blog. I realised having gone to bed that they hadn't been put in and couldn't be bothered to get up and edit it. 

Number one - Ann picked up an injury to her ankle, don't know what, she just said it started hurting and therefore she had to limp to the White House in the evening.

Number two - On one of our many journeys on the Washington metro we had a hilarious episode. We waited for a train to come in, then when it did we moved to the nearest door. A man on a scooter needed to get off so everybody stood back and let him out. Then I proceeded to board said carriage. On entering carriage I looked for where Ann had sat down. Much to my dismay she wasn't on the carriage and nobody else was getting on. I stuck my head out to see if she was on the station and she wasn't so wondered where she was. Checked inside again, no sign. Checked outside again, no sign. Thought oh well and stayed on the train as the doors shut. Decided to look through locked door into next carriage. Spotted Ann looking around very worriedly. Laughed. Started waving furiously at her. Finally she spotted me just as people on her carriage started asking her if everything was ok. Needless to say I got the blame for getting on at the door that we had both been stood at.

Anyway moving on to today. 

Woke up late due to lots of sleeping. Slightly worried as by the time of going to sleep the sat nav had only dowloaded 13% of the maps in about 3 hours. Luckily it had finished the job overnight.. Felt more confident. Got ready and checked out of hotel. Caught cab to Reagan Airport to pick up the hire car. Passed the Watergate Hotel and the Pentagon. Went to hire desk, served by grumpy man (The first and only grumpy person we met in Washington). Filled in stuff and went to collect car. Another man said I'll show you over to your car. We walked 50 yards and then he said 'Pick any one of these and drive out'. He then walked off. Wondered if we had heard him correctly. Turned out we had. We had the choice of about ten cars. Picked a Jeep. Got in and drove off. Set off at 11am.

Sat nav started to prove being a good buy as it made driving so easy. Told you which lane to approach junctions in, etc. Thought what an excellent purchase. Got out of Washington and headed North to Niagara. Got stuck in traffic. Remain high spirited despite the delay by playing with the car. Eventually moved again and travelled on a while before stopping for lunch in Hancock. http://www.weaversrestaurant.com/index.html

Also popped in Save-a-lot to get some supplies for the journey. Got back on the road and planned to pretty much go non stop to Niagara. Started well, plugged the ipod in, breezed along. Then uh oh, more traffic. Got moving again and then handed the reins to Ann. All going swimmingly, then we needed some fuel. Pulled over to a garage and stopped. we thought open the petrol cap and it will tell us which fuel to get. Wrong. We thought it will say somewhere on the paperwork. Wrong. We thought it would say in the car handbook. There wasn't one. Oh dear. Stared at petrol pump for a while. Asked man in kiosk what he thought. He made a suggestion, we went with it.

Dying for the loo by now. Asked man where restrooms were, he said in the superstore shop. Went over to shop. Male toilet out of order. Thought bollocks to that so went in the ladies whilst Ann kept guard. Came out to find Ann explaining to some fat miserable woman why she couldn't go in. Ran away.

Got going again, filled up and raring to go. Phoned B and B, told them ETA was 9.30pm. Pootled along nicely until reached Buffalo only a few miles from Niagara. It is a decent sized city. Thought we'll be there in no time.

At this point one of those things that can only happen to you happened. The sat nav turned itself off and wouldn't go back on again. And yes it had been plugged in. We had no map but thought follow the signs to Canada, how hard can it be. Very was the answer as there was only one sign to Canada and that was almost immediately. Then just kept driving making shrewd judgements about where to go.  Eventually had to stop as it was impossible to tell where we were. Getting late. Prayed the sat nav would come back on. Eventually it did, but seemed to be rather hungover. It shouted incoherent instructions which made no sense and took us no where worthwhile. Eventually it sobered up and got us to Canada.

Woman Canada Guard asked us if we had any guns. I wanted to shoot the sat nav. Finally arrived at B and B at 10.30pm. Hurrah! Woman who runs it seems nice but mental. Four other guests all from Britain apparently. Don't care! Want to go to sleep! We are in the Ruby Room. It is red.

Ruby Ruby Ruby arhhharahhahahha

Looking forward to not being in car tomorrow!

Day Five

Best night's sleep so far. Didn't get woken up until 8am. Hurrah! Bad news was that I had a dream about bears attacking people outside of school. Turned out one of the bears was a man dressed as a bear. Then just to make it better, lions turned up and started attacking the bears. Interesting start to the day.

Beautiful sunny day. Bought one day metro pass. Metro is very easy to follow, there are 5 lines each called a colour, i.e blue, etc, and then on the map it is marked by a line of that colour. Ingenious. First stop Arlington Cemetery, a military place with thousands of graves. Lots of scout groups everywhere all wearing matching stuff. Dib dib!

A very small section

One particulary famous resident.

JFK's final resting place

Also watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Heat was intense. Felt sorry for the guy who had to march back and forth wearing a full uniform.

Made our way back into the city and stopped by Radio Shack to buy a micro sd card for the sat nav. Next, headed down to the mall to spend the rest of the day seeing the sights.

First stop was the Museum of Natural History. Got worried when I saw the bear and lion exhibits. Brought back bad memories. General impression of the museum was that it was slightly basic in terms of the information. They probably didn't want to make it too difficult for their own people to understand.

Bear or man dressed as a bear?

Then moved onto the Museum of American History. First item we saw was the original star spangled banner that inspired the national anthem. On a bizarre note as we left that exhibit a massive USA flag had been unfurled in the lobby and was being held by a crowd of people who then proceeded to sing the national anthem followed by cheering themselves at the end. Thought that it wouldn't happen back home. Couldn't decide if it was very patriotic or just plain weird. Very disappointed with the museum as a whole, not really anything that interesting in it. For example, there were old violins from Italy even though it was the Museum of American History.

Had lunch in its cafe which was good. Spent a long time people watching, comparing what they bought to body size. You can guess the trend. Was very surprised to see Dan Thomas from the drama group there, or was it?

Is it Dan and who is the murderer next to him?

Next made the long walk to Capitol Hill to see the House of Congress. Told them to sort it out else there'll be trouble.

Then having got bored of walking lots we commandeered a Pedicab.

Made him take us to the other end of the mall. Felt fairly lazy as we sat back and did nothing on the journey.
Managed to walk the last 40 yards ourselves.

Saw the Lincoln Memorial and the Reflecting Pool.

Abe the babe

Decided to be lazy again so got Tophatman to take us back the other way. Ended up at the Washington Monument. Took arty photo.

Pointy

Next we went to the Air and Space Museum. Best museum of the day by far. Saw the real first ever successful flying plane made by Orville and Keith Harris. Also saw the actual Spirit of St Louis, the first plane to cross the Atlantic Ocean without stopping. Amongst all this stuff we also saw Dr Evil's rocket.

Mwahahahahahah!!

The time now being 7.30pm we decided to eat dinner so we made our way up to Chinatown and went to Ella's Wood Fired Pizza. http://www.ellaspizza.com/  Excellent grub. Nice people. In and out in 30mins tops.

One last stop to make before heading home, although the guy who lives there wasn't home.

Mr President's House

Finally got in at 9.15pm. Absolutely knackered. Now trying to load USA maps onto sat nav ready for picking up the car tomorrow.

Things we learnt today:

1. Washington is great, much friendlier and cleaner than New York.

2. Ann is a giant in this country. Everybody seems to be shorter than her. I feel like Gigantor.